Losing Is Gaining
Suananyar Beach, Les, Tejakula, Buleleng, Bali, personal photo Never once in my life did I imagine I would lose two of my friends within such a short time, just a week apart. I still haven’t finished grieving Ricky in April, and by May, I had lost Moegky and Dhana . Beyond those deaths, I’ve also been mourning something else—something internal. The loss of my self-confidence. My self-worth. And a very potential, very promising relationship with someone. Adults and their mess, right? Since the beginning of May, I knew I was on autopilot. Making decisions out of habit. My thought process? Scattered. Untethered. But life goes on. Time moves forward. I only had control over what I could grasp in that moment—and that didn’t include my emotions. I was drowning in them. Penuktukan Village, Buleleng, Bali, personal photo Sleep-deprived. Back to binge drinking. Popping pills just to close my eyes. Losing myself, bit by bit. I could function just enough during business hours, but after t...
